Friday, December 31, 2010

True Grit

I have been sick lately.  I have been lying in bed crying, knowing that my fans were desperately awaiting some movie reviews.   My fans depend on me. You depend on me. 

As I was lying in bed I was tossing and turning, knowing that Tron had been out for a while and I still hadn’t seen it.  I had been waiting to see Tron for a while and had planned to see it as soon as I recovered from my life threatening illness. (Ok, so it was the flu, not exactly life threatening.)

But to my surprise, I decided to go see True Grit before seeing Tron.  I had heard good things about True Grit and I just didn’t believe the rumors.  I decided to make the sacrifice and go see this movie. For my fans. For you. (And sorta for me.)

It was so good. I was pleasantly surprised.  It is rare that I go into a movie with the thought that I won’t like it.  However, I would definitely recommend this movie to anyone.  You don’t have to like western movies to like this one.  This is a movie that both women and men will enjoy equally.

The thing that made this movie so great was the witty dialogue and Indians.  Without the witty dialogue and Indians this would have been an average western movie.  However, Jeff Bridges and a new actress Hailee Steinfeld stole the show.  Jeff Bridges is a polished actor and played his role spot on.  I think he will be better remembered as Kevin Flynn from Tron, but he played the cowboy spot on.  Haille Steinfeld was exceptional.  She played an overly ambitious 14-year-old girl who is trying to track down her father’s murderer.  She is now in talks to play Katniss for The Hunger Games series.  My vote goes to her.

Go see this movie.  You’ll like it, I promise.  

Where I got the pics:

Friday, December 10, 2010

The Tourist

“Welcome to “movie math” readers!  Please answer the following question.”

Angelina Jolie+ Johnny Depp + Movie = ?

“Go ahead….what do you think the answer is? Go ahead and shout them out!”


“A box-office smash hit!”

“Greatest movie of all time!”

“Oscar nominations!”

“Good answers children/readers/old people.  But sadly you are wrong.  This is one of the more difficult math problems because when you add two of the greatest actors of all time to a movie, you would expect the answers that were given.  But children, you forgot that a movie does not just consist of the actors.  There are actually many elements that make a perfect movie besides just the actors….like a PLOT! Ok, you all fail. Please read the following for your next assignment and we will review the question again.”

I was SO disappointed. I am just sad.  Sad, sad, sad.  I will say it again. Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie are some of the greatest actors of our time.  This movie was sure to succeed.   Too bad it failed miserably instead.

I don’t blame the actors.  Angelina was great and Depp was ok.  I mean, you can only act out a crappy script so well. The plot of this movie was absurd.  Completely and ridiculously absurd.   The whole movie was based on the concept of identity theft.  Yeah, lame.  I mean, how many of us, who have had their identity stolen have thought to ourselves, “yeah, this would be a great movie!” Oh yeah, none of us because that is the lamest story ever.

So I failed chemistry in high school, but I didn’t need to get an A to know that the chemistry in this movie failed completely.  Sorry Johnny, you are way out of Angelina’s league.

The music in this movie was completely off.  It was some creepy, classical lullaby that was trying to put you to sleep the whole time.  I wish I would have fallen asleep because I probably could have dreamt up something a lot more exciting than the movie( cue Inception.)

There was no action.  SALT was such a good movie because Angelina kicked some serious booty.  While watching The Tourist I kept hoping that Angelina would bust out some of her sick moves and beat up a bunch of guys. Nope, she just played some lame British chick that didn’t know anything.  Depp was ok, but not great by any means.  He was pretty unfunny, but did his best with what he had to work with.  He was asked to build a sand castle without any sand. (Ok, that was a really stupid metaphor, but it worked.)

Save your money.  Don’t go. Or go. Do whatever.  It’s a free country.


I can take criticism.

I can.

I criticize movies all the time. I criticize actors.

So yeah, I can take some criticism myself.

Recently someone told me that they have been reading my blog.  This person (you know who you are) said, “ I really enjoy reading your reviews Justin. I do! But……..”

But what?!

I am perfect!!!!!

Ok, so I am not perfect according to this ONE person I talked to.

Let me continue with the story.

She said, “I really enjoy reading your reviews Justin.  But, I think that you are too positive.  You are not hard enough in your critiques.”

So here it goes.  Me taking some advice. Please enjoy this review on Tangled. 

I hated this movie for many reasons.  I hated that the Disney character Rapunzel was an animated character cuz I think that in real life we would get along. Heck, Rapunzel and I would probably get married.  We would have four kids.  I hate how this fairy tale will never come true for me.

I hate that I can’t have Mandy Moore in my life.  She did an excellent job in this movie.  She is an amazing singer and really pulled through in her songs.  I think that the soundtrack to this movie is one of the better soundtracks that Disney has produced.  I hate that Mandy Moore is perfect and was exceptional in this film.  I hate that more actresses aren’t as talented as Mandy Moore.  Don’t lie….you know that you cried after watching A Walk to Remember. 

I hate that this movie is going to make so much money at the box office because of how it is the best family film of the year hands down.  I have not met ONE person who has hated this movie.  ONE! And that is definitely saying something.  People of all ages will love this movie because it is just an all around, clean, feel good movie.

I hated how perfect the story was.  I hated that this movie made me laugh/tear up/ laugh/ tear up.  The storyline was so perfect and I am so mad that Disney will have such a hard time living up to such a creative plot.  

There.  See? There were a lot of things that I absolutely hated about this movie.